day twentyfour: praying BIG is trust without borders.

I can't even count the number of times I said today, "Karis, I need you to trust mama."  And every single time I said it to her, I knew that the Lord was saying this same thing to me.

(K: "Mama can we go to Chick Fil A?" Me: "Yes, shug. I told you we could, I need you to trust mama.")

And so for the rest of the day I've been wrestling as I pray with why in the world trusting is so hard.  I pray for these people and these things but it's so hard to really just lay them at the Lord's feet and TRUST.

As I sat down to write this post I laughed realizing that I never have to tell Haddie to trust me.  It's the only thing she knows how to do because I'm the only option she has.  She CAN'T trust in herself because she can't do anything for herself yet (except suck her two little fingers. :))  Trusting me is Haddie's only option.

Seems to me that one of the biggest reasons for the fall is that Eve didn't trust God.  When the enemy showed up in the garden, it seems as if his strategy was to plant a seed a doubt in Eve's mind. "Did God REALLY say...?" In her doubt, did Eve forget that God was good?  That He loved her?  That He would give her everything she needed for life?

Eve forgot that trusting God was her only option for real life.  And I wish I could say she was the last one to do that, but I am one of her descendents and I know distrust entirely too well.  Like a three year-old trying to assert their independence, I've tried to take control of my life, too.

And I try to take control of my prayers.  Every time I pray I am tempted to believe that me praying--praying BIG even--means that I have the power to make something happen.  And even though I know and believe in the very depths of who I am that He honors our prayers, I'm not the one who makes the calls at the end of the day.

I've prayed for Jay Whitaker to be healed every day since he was diagnosed with leukemia.  This week the doctors told him and his sweet wife, Alex, that he probably only has weeks left until He goes to be with Jesus.  And as I've wrestled with how to pray for the Whitakers in light of this--how do we pray BIG when God isn't answering our prayers the way we want Him to--I'm learning that praying BIG is following Jesus into deeper and deeper trust with the way He receives and responds to our prayers.

My sweet friend, Rachypoo, put this song on her blog and as I listened to it last night I wept, knowing that this is what the Lord is doing in my life right now.  Chances are, He's doing it in your life, too.

"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters wherever you would call me. Take me deeper than my feet would ever wander and my faith would be made stronger in the presence of my Savior." 

The reality is that we are all like Haddie.  Trusting Jesus is our only real option.  And so tonight what I'm learning is that praying BIG is putting it all out there at the feet of Jesus and TRUSTING.