day nine: praying BIG for our children.

Karis was and still is a major paci girl.  She loves that paci.  Even though it's only allowed in her bed, she will find a loophole to get it if she can.  Haddie, on the other hand, is not a paci girl.  It was pretty hysterical in those first few months as we tried to shove that thing in her mouth.  What I love about her is that she will let us know very clearly what she likes and doesn't like and one thing she didn't like was a paci.  When we finally gave up on that, she started sucking her ring & middle finger.  I thought it would pass and eventually she would give in to the more popular finger for sucking, the thumb.  Nope.  At 6 months old, one of my favorite things to watch her do is suck those two little fingers.

This weekend, my mom and brother were here for Karis' birthday party and on Sunday we all hung out in our jammies and ate scones and looked at old picture albums.  It was awesome.  This one picture of me at 6 months old caught my eye:

(Me on top, circa November 1982 and Haddie below, September 2013.)

And then I saw this one and recognized that smile and those eyes in my oldest girl:

(Me on the left right before my 3rd birthday and Karis on the right, right before her 3rd birthday.)

Genetics is a crazy thing, huh?  And even though I certainly didn't teach Haddie how to suck these two little fingers or Karis how to smile, I was struck by the way our kids are a mirror of us in so many ways and how we have the totally undeserved position of authority in their lives that we can use to either pass down good or bad.

No parent ever sets out to pass down bad things to their kids, right?  I didn't, at least.  We have two dogs.  They are lovely in many ways.  Sam was an answer to prayer (I should write a post about that) and Libby is SO good with kids.  But in this season of life, they just bug the mess out of me.  They stay outside most of the day, but when they come inside I'll often yell at them and certainly over react to them doing annoying things like eating crayons and eating food off the counter.  I'll never forget the first time Karis yelled at Libby.  "Libby, no!" She didn't just say the exact words I say (that's easy enough), she said it with the exact intonation that I say it.  And it hit me.  I've taught my child to yell.  Fail.

But there are other things that we've passed down that I am proud of.  Like loving people. Almost every morning Karis says "Who we going to see this day, mommy?" because she knows that a huge chunk of our time is spent investing in relationships.  She loves Bible stories and "God's true Word" as they say at BSF.  She says thank you (most of the time :)). She cuddles with and sings hymns to her dolls. And one day, I pray that she will love to pray and be devoted to the "greater work" (Oswald Chambers) that prayer is.

 (Karis singing "I Love to Tell the Story" to her bunny rabbit.)

My grandmother put together the scrapbooks that my mom and brother and I were looking through on Sunday and one of the best things about it is all the letters she saved that my mom and her had written back and forth.  When I found this one from my grandmother (read it under the picture below), I literally wept.  You see, the spiritual legacy that has been passed down to me from my family (which is farrrrr from perfect) has been the result of years of diligent, heartfelt, sacrifical prayers said for me ever since I was little.  Praying BIG for our children is passing down a spiritual inheritance that cannot be taken away.

(Me and grandma in 1987.)

Dearest Megan,                                                                                     April 2, 1987

Your Grandpa & I love you so much. I’m so glad your Mom has been able to show you that for us. We’ve known you a long time, almost five years off and on; we’ve been fortunate to have you close enough to hold hands & read stories. Those times are very special for us.

When you were very little, even before you were born, your Grandpa, Mom, & I began to pray for you. We knew, before you were born, that you are a very special child. We could see right away when you were born and were a tiny baby, that our Heavenly Father, who we call God, had given you a perfect & beautiful body. We could see the doctor was right, you are stubborn, like we are. So we know you pretty well. When we’re not together, you & your Mom keep us up to date on what’s happening in your life, when we write letters & talk on the phone.

I remember when you & I welcomed Treat into your family. Do you remember how tiny he was then? You were SO tender & careful with him. You loved him right away. You learned how to care for him by the times you did right & the times you made mistakes. That’s how we all learn. Not one of us does the right thing often enough. Our Heavenly Father shows us His love by teaching us adults in our mistakes for which we are sorry and by those times we do right and we are grateful.

Your Mom and Dad show you their love for you and God’s love for you when they show you when you do things right and when you don’t. All the time, when you are awake & asleep, your Mom & Dad love you whether you are doing anything or not. They love you all the time because of who you are—a special wonderful child. That’s the way your Grandpa & I love you. We don’t know everything you do; sometimes we don’t know anything but we still love you & know you to be our lovely special Megan. Our Heavenly Father loves you even more than all of us love you, He loves you so much that He gave His only Son, our Lord Jesus Christ, so that you would know & love Him. He loved & loves you before you can love Him back. One day you will know Him the way your Mom knows Him now.

I bet you want to run away & play now because none of this makes sense. Well, no one understands any of this & God knows that better than we do. So He gave us a gift of faith. Because of that gift of faith, when you pray with your Mom & read the Bible, you will come to know who God and Jesus are for you. One way for you to see how God loves you is to look at your Dad & how he protects you & takes care of you. That’s God’s plan for fathers. God loves you through your Mom & see the way she holds you close & all the ways she has to show you her love. There are lots of people who love you in Southern Pines & here including your Grandpa & me. You just know that all the time. That’s God’s love for you.

When we pray we tell God about our feelings & wants. When we listen to Him, He tells us His feelings & wants. When I listen to Him, He wants me to tell you this, I believe He is saying something like this to you, Megan: “I love you. I’m proud of you. I’m here when you need me. I have a plan for your life. You can count on me. I will always take care of you. Nothing will happen to you that we can’t work out together. I trust your Mom & Dad to show you my love and my ways. Already, you know many things that are right & the ones that are wrong. See how much you have learned already. You know how many things work, you know about the feelings of laughter (tee-hee) & tears, you know about being mad & running away & being glad & running back. I’m proud of you when you choose the right & I’m patient when you choose wrong, & I’m proud that you know the difference. I love you when you’re silly. I love you all the time. I’m proud that you know what my love is even though it’s something you can’t really see or touch. I kiss & touch you in your heart and with the warmth of the sun, the wind & the rain & the gifts of beauty all around you.”

See you at the train real soon.

Love,

Grandma